Jan 26, 2009

What I Should Have Said!

Ever since I was 18 and Dr. Fister (yes, I used his real name and I think he's a terrible doctor!) refused to put me under anesthesia to take my wisdom teeth out, and THEN refused to give me more Novocaine when I TOLD him I wasn't numb, and THEN proceeded to rip my wisdom teeth out while I felt EVERY bit of it...I've had an INTENSE fear of the dentist. True story. NOT lying. Most traumatic physical pain experience of my life! FAR worse than labor!
Now, even a routine cleaning frays my nerves to the very last thread. And today I had just that. Here are three highlights.

Dental Hygenist (Who, from this point on shall be called Evil Torture Woman): I see on the chart that you had a bit of a problem with this sonic cleaning tool last time. Let's try it again. It shouldn't hurt.

Me:
Okay I guess I'll give it another shot. (5 minutes later I am LITERALLY crying in the dentist chair. Evil Torture Woman agrees to stop.)

WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID:
Listen Evil Torture Woman! Don't tell me what SHOULD and SHOULDN'T hurt! That thing sounds like a drill and the noise alone is enough to send me straight to an insane asylum. And when you put that metal tool of sonic torture to my tooth and it vibrates against the enamel the sensation is enought to make me prefer gouging my eyes out. IT DOES HURT! And NO, You can't try it again!
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Evil Torture Woman (who has now switched to the fun scraping tools): Do your gums ever bleed when you brush or floss?

Me:
Nope.

Evil Torture Woman:
Because they're bleeding quite a bit. And bleeding gums aren't normal.

Me:
Hmmm.

WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID:
Reeeaaalllly!? They're bleeding? You don't say. Perhaps that's because you're STABBING THEM WITH A SHARP METAL OBJECT! That's not normal!? I'm pretty sure when you rip apart any living tissue with sharp metal objects it's pretty freakin' normal for them to bleed! Why don't you sit on down here and I'll rip apart your gums with sharp metal tools and then I'll tell YOU that bleeding isn't normal!!! How 'bout that!?
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And last but not least the dentist came in and told me I have a cavity. Of which I have not had since I was 12 and I'm going to blame on pregnancy because Evil Torture Woman said the hormones can cause weakened enamel and gingivitis.

Evil Crazy Man (a.k.a. Dentist):
Well then, it looks like we'll invite you back to have that taken care of. It's so small and shallow I'd say you won't even have to be numbed for it!

Me:
Oh, yes I will.

WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID:
Listen Evil Crazy Man! Let's stop with the CRAZY! Not be numbed? You better numb me! You better numb me up good! And If I tell you I can still feel stuff, you better numb me some more! As a matter of fact, I don't care if my whole face is so numb I can't even hold my eyes open! If you don't numb me I'll tear you limb from limb!

And that pretty much sums up my trip to the dentist today.

4 comments:

Cheryl said...

You have my sympathy. I can't stand a trip to the dentist either, even if it is for "just a cleaning".

Esther said...

Oh my goodness - sounds like you should have SKIPPED your trip to the Crazy Evil Dentist's Office and come to the fun moms morning instead! I can promise you that there were no bleeding gums there. Yikes, sounds like it was NOT FUN!

Sarah Turner said...

i feel your pain....while having braces for ten years, i had to take a trip to the dentist once a week (sometimes twice) for about 4 years straight.....and then once every two weeks after that....and you thought i would have gotten used to it, but i never did!

Life With My Boys..... said...

Totally there with you on the pain worse than labor part. I despise anyone in my mouth. Missed you muchly at our moms get together. Hope your mouth feels better soon!