Now, even a routine cleaning frays my nerves to the very last thread. And today I had just that. Here are three highlights.
Dental Hygenist (Who, from this point on shall be called Evil Torture Woman): I see on the chart that you had a bit of a problem with this sonic cleaning tool last time. Let's try it again. It shouldn't hurt.
Me: Okay I guess I'll give it another shot. (5 minutes later I am LITERALLY crying in the dentist chair. Evil Torture Woman agrees to stop.)
WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID: Listen Evil Torture Woman! Don't tell me what SHOULD and SHOULDN'T hurt! That thing sounds like a drill and the noise alone is enough to send me straight to an insane asylum. And when you put that metal tool of sonic torture to my tooth and it vibrates against the enamel the sensation is enought to make me prefer gouging my eyes out. IT DOES HURT! And NO, You can't try it again!
Evil Torture Woman: Because they're bleeding quite a bit. And bleeding gums aren't normal.
WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID: Reeeaaalllly!? They're bleeding? You don't say. Perhaps that's because you're STABBING THEM WITH A SHARP METAL OBJECT! That's not normal!? I'm pretty sure when you rip apart any living tissue with sharp metal objects it's pretty freakin' normal for them to bleed! Why don't you sit on down here and I'll rip apart your gums with sharp metal tools and then I'll tell YOU that bleeding isn't normal!!! How 'bout that!?
Evil Crazy Man (a.k.a. Dentist):Well then, it looks like we'll invite you back to have that taken care of. It's so small and shallow I'd say you won't even have to be numbed for it!
Me: Oh, yes I will.
WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID:Listen Evil Crazy Man! Let's stop with the CRAZY! Not be numbed? You better numb me! You better numb me up good! And If I tell you I can still feel stuff, you better numb me some more! As a matter of fact, I don't care if my whole face is so numb I can't even hold my eyes open! If you don't numb me I'll tear you limb from limb!
And that pretty much sums up my trip to the dentist today.