Jan 27, 2012
There's still a lot to do. Like...
~Install the tile (that we got from a friend for FREE!)
~Patch the drywall where Jason took out the recessed lighting (a.k.a. holes of icy coldness)
~Trim (details like that have not proven to be our strong point.)
~And maybe build in a linnen closet. (Ya know, nothing major.)
But paint is on the trim, door and walls, new harware is up and the shower curtain that inspired it all is hanging proudly! BEHOLD!
Jan 25, 2012
Got to hear that fabulous heartbeat again yesterday and it's just perfect. I continue to LOVE the new practice I switched to and you better believe I'm excited that my next appointment includes the 20 week ultrasound!!! I'm dying having not seen this babe yet! I'm not a good waiter. So YES, you better believe we're finding out what gender this little love is!
Jan 16, 2012
trapsing, tromping, twirling
Jan 11, 2012
PS: Have I mentioned lately that I love my woodstove again. I do.
~I feel like that's happening sooner this time.
~It's still nothing anyone would notice, I just look thicker in the middle. joy. Double joy when I don a bathing suit for Ella's swim class. It's that super fun, don't look pregnant, just look chunky stage ;) I'll take it.
~I really like when I start showing. Can't wait!
~Ella and I are back on the "preschool" train and our letter banners are once again growing (it's amazing what a month or so has done to her handwriting abilities! She's rocking it!)
~I'm cleaning (like deep stove scrubbing, dusting, counter cleaning, can't believe how bad things get when they're not done for a few months, cleaning).
~I'm organizing. (Like whole storage room, and utility room, game drawers, craft drawers, junk drawers, closets, purging mania, got the nesting bug early organizing!)
~I can now go to the gorcery store! (I still have to take a few cleansing breaths now and then, but I'm not fighting the urge to hurl the whole time so that's a bonus)
~I've worked out 4 times in the last week and plan another tonight!
~I had coffee yesterday! WHOAH! I don't think it'll be a regular thing yet and I still don't like the smell permiating my vacinity, but that was huge!
I still feel lightyears behind and like I'll be playing catch up for a while. I'll still take it easy when my body tells me to, but as long as it's giving me the green light, I'll be full steam ahead!
(Don't get me wrong, giving birth the last time was a great experience, but the hospital EMMC, sucked. There's just no other words. It's birthing unit sucks. Like old, dull, institutional, small, no full baths in the labor rooms so one could stand in the shower...of course no birthing tubs, no birthing stools, nothin'. And semi private recovery rooms where you get AWEFUL roommates. I mean seriously? Sucks!)
I'm lucky I have options this time. My choices are Dover and York. I picked Dover because it's closer and a great doctor recommended them. The hospital really does seem great, but I'm not pleased with the huge practice.
So when a friend told me the midwives at York were "just a bit too crunchy" for her, I knew it sounded like my kind of place! When it comes to childbirth my motto is, the crunchier the better! Just to cover all my bases I toured the birth center and did a meet and greet with the midwives. SIGN ME UP! I left with a skip in my step and promptly called Garrison Women's Health and told their answering machine (because I never get a human!) that I was cancelling my next appointment and would no longer be attending the practice. I've not been so happy in a LONG time!
Here are some differences I'd like to Highlight:
Garrison Women's Health: Super huge, deliver 60 babies a month, wait a long time, see the providor, a different one every time, for 10 minutes who will ask you the same questions the previous one did, ask you to fill out forms you already filled out, and go over the same information the last one went over with you. And NEVER get a human on the phone and rarely get your message returned.
York midwives: Small, deliver 12-17 babies a month, always get a human on the phone, short waits, LONG and personal visit with midwife.
Garrison Women's Health: Sure you can see only midwives, we'll put it on your paper. Except out of four appointments you'll only see a midwive once and you'll have to cause a slight scene the last time just be scheduled with a midwife.
York midwives: Yup, you can see only midwives. You never ahve to see a doctor at all if you don't want to.
Garrison Women's Health: sure you can be guaranteed a midwife at your deliver... unless they're in another birth and then you'll get the on call doctor. Or if the doctor is primary call, you'll get him/her for a while, then the midwife later. Will the providor be there for most of your labor? Long story short, probably not.
York midwives: Yes you can be guaranteed a midwife. Yes you'll get her for the majority of the labor. The only exceptions would be if she had two people in labor which rarely happens, then her time with you would be divided (understandable).
Wentworth Douglass Hospital: If you're in labor, come up to this window, we'll beep you in. If its after 9pm or before 5am, go to this phone downstairs and call and someone will let you in.
York Hospital: Sweet little nurse says, "When you're in labor, just come on through that door and straight to our office and say, "I'm having a baby".
WDH: Sure you'll be in one (nice but rather small) birthing room (which likely will not have windows, and if it does, they'll overlook the parking lot) the whole time. Unless of course we deem you're not far enough along, then we'll put you in a holding room, eventually we'll move you to a birthing room and then if we're busy we'll move you to another recovery room.
York Hospital: We'll walk you down our mural painted hallways and put you in one of our (GINORMOUS) birthing rooms, (which all have huge windows and great natural light, overlooking treetops and maybe even a glimpse of the ocean) and there you'll stay.
So my choice is clear. And I'm all switched over and super psyched.
Jan 10, 2012
I spent time in the Word, but even more time praying. And I spent more time sitting in silence and listening for that still small voice than I did speaking (a rarity for me) but something I need to do more often! And He met me there. Oh did He meet me.
I so clearly heard Him saying that I need to focus on the things HE gives to me, not the things I set out for myself due to guilt, idealism, perfectionism, and comparison. Oh so true. How often do I write the plans and set the goals and not allow Him to do so?
So I asked what those things were and I waited. He very clearly impressed two things on my mind over and over.
#1) Time with HIM.
#2) With the energy I have returning, make sure I give it to Ella and Jason being present and intentional.
That's it. Two things. Simple. Sometimes hard. But totally doable.
And more than anything I truly did feel His grace wash over me. And I let it. The thought was bold and clear and lasting. Recieve My grace. You'll never be perfect. So don't get bogged down by your shortcomings. It won't motivate you, it will only serve to rob you of the JOY of right now! Holy Hannah Amen to that!
And so that's what I'm doing. Focusing on the things HE gave me and allowing His grace to soak in every moment, every misstep. And it is nourishing my soul.
I'm still up to date on my Bibl in a year plan...wahoo! And the devotions and prayer time that go along with that are my fuel! I'm not pushing myself on the mornings and I'm not feeling bad about it. I still get up when Ella wakes me. But we lay in bed much less, and we're cutting back to two shows each morning. (THAT, my friends, has not flown so well with the little. A monster I created over the past few months I tell you! A PBS watching monster :) I spend time with the Lord during her naps and either work out when J is home, or while she watches her shows. It's working out quite nicely.
Thank-you friends for kind and insightful words. Check out THIS post by my friend Amy on the subject. Love it.
Jan 6, 2012
I think it stems from my lack of doing ANYTHING over the past few first trimester months. I feel like a failure as a child of God, wife, mom, friend. I know, I know . . . extreme . . . and I need to give myself a break and I need to let God's grace fully soak in. I'm starting.
Recently I've been getting back in the saddle as far as organizing, dishes and laundry go. Although I'm doing more than nothing . . . which is what I was previously doing . . . I'm not fully back up to speed in the other areas like cooking, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, bathrooms etc, but slow and stead wins the race.
I've got more energy to play a bit more and be a bit more purposeful with Ella, but not as much as I used to for sure. Our preschool learning time is all but non-existant now and all-be-it educational PBS programing, TV is much more prominent. Oh how that disgusts me. But it's beyond true. It is, however, amazing how sweet, caring, sympathetic and understanding Ella is. It's like God's trying to pour out his grace through her so I can feel it in a very tangible way. Oh how it humbles me.
And recently a friend of mine posted about some goals of hers here and they pierced me to the heart with conviction. Not so much guilt here . . . well let's be honest, probably some . . . but also true conviction, because these are things that have been on my heart but I've been too much of a coward to put into words and attempt to put into action.
The Biggies are these:
1.) Read through the entire Bible.
I cannot tell you how many times I've attempted and fizzled. GRRRrrr. It's like a never ending battle. Mandy linked to a chronological reading plan with Joni Erickson Tada and I'm on track with it . . . thus far . . . it's only day 6 people.
2.) Get up before my child so that I can prepare and greet her...not let her be my alarm clock. In that time before she wakes, spend time with the Lord and exercize.
Before I got pregnant I was getting up and hour before Ella (6 am . . . super hard for this lover of sleep). 3 days a week I would exercize in that time and then spend time with the Lord during her nap time. And the other days I would spend time with the Lord in that morning time. It was glorious. Mandy also linked to this AMAZING thing called Hello Mornings where women encourage and hold accountable other women to this idea of preparing for and greeting your children in the morning.
I have not yet gotten on board with Hello Mornings because I just don't know if I have the energy right now. I've gotten back into working out and my times with the Lord but it's usually during rest times, evenings, or later mornings when J is home. I am wiped and feel like I really do need extra sleep. But is that the truth or a lie? Is that just an excuse because I really don't like mornings? I don't know. I'm processing.
I do know that I fear failure in both of these areas. I fear repeating my same old, don't carry it through patterns. And this definitely feels like a weird, difficult time right now where I want to be/do so much more than I am, but I'm not sure if . . . if that's just my guilt talking and I need to cut myself some slack . . . or if it's really the Holy Spirit's prompting and I need to buck up and do it. I'm not sure how much any of this helped . . . but at least it's out there.
Jan 5, 2012
Jan 4, 2012
For two children we have collectively tried to conceive for a total of 5 YEARS. We use the fertility awareness method (general public, if you don't know what that is...look it up...read the book...every woman/couple should). I have tracked every temperature, documented every sign (trust me there's a lot of signs and I won't go into all of them beacuse it's definitely TMI for a public blog), and taken every ovulations test created for longer than I can remember! I know the very DAY we conceived. Your calculations are based on an inaccuarate, archaic, 28 day cycle, ovulate on day 14 formula. Take YOUR calculation and shove it!
But anyway, I digress. Another thing that confirms what I already know, is that when week 13 hit, a light switch flipped and I once again feel like human being. (It happened at exactly 13 weeks when I was pregnant with Ella too.) The following things have occurred within the last 4 days, that you might find simple, normal, even mundane. But to me...after months of feeling more nauseous and tired than I've ever felt, to me they are miracles!!!
~I haven't hurled!
~I cooked dinner!!! (and lunch too!)
~I started exercising again!
~I went out, to a restaurant (with many a mingling smells, INCLUDING my husbands open coffee mug on the very same table as mine) and didn't feel nauseous or hurl!
~And today, drum roll please......I have asked my husband to hook up the woodstove!Yes that's right folks. It's not only been out of commission since the hurling began, but the smell still bothered me so much that J actually had to take it apart, and seal it off! Crazy I know. This is what it has looked like for the past few months.And might I also add, that I think God himself allowed unseasonably warm weather to occur during the period I could not stand the woodstove smell so that we didn't go bankrupt using more oil than we'd budgeted for. And now, low and behold, I feel magically better and well enough to run that bad boy again and the cold, cold weather rolls in...just sayin'. :)
Jan 1, 2012
rehinged one door so that it opens downward for oven