That's Powerful Stuff!

Whatever you believe... Please... Take a minute to read this. I believe you'll find truth in it.

"I'm thankful it is my sould You love, rather than my appearance or performance. So often, I'm dissatisfied with bothof these, especially when I make them my focus. I'm grateful for Your perfect understanding, since I sometimes feel misunderstood..."

"Beloved, relax in My loving Presence. Let the Light of My Love soak into your entire being...Cease striving and know that I am God.

The world abounds with idols-things you turn to when you want to feel better about yourself:eating, entertainment, exercise, mastery of something. However, none of these things can slake the thirst of your soul, which yearns for Me alone... When you get that gnawing around the edges of your soul, turn to Me. Your sould will be satisfied with the richest of foods."


I have experienced the truth of these words over and over. So POWERFUL! This is an excerpt from my devotions right now. Nearer to Jesus by Sarah Young. Those of you that know me can understand that it speaks to my soul specifically! So thankful for "happening" upon this fabulous find at Marden's!

Life Lessons

Picture it: A high pitched scream errupts. I turn around to see Ella on her belly, one of her hands shut in her book, the other hand placed firmly on top of that book pressing it closed with with all of her might because she was trying to push herself up and away from the book with the free hand. The continusous screaming was partly pain, but mostly frustration and anger. I went to help her and she resisted my help, screaming louder in frustration. I spoke soothingly to her, "You need to let mama help you honey." and luckily I'm bigger and stronger so she had no choice but to help me help her and I soon freed her from her predicament half chuckling, half thinking, "You poor thing."


Then I stopped to ponder. How often do I do this in my own life? How often to I cause my own pain by my own decisions or missteps and then try to get myself out of my mess all on my own...and only end up making matters worse? I am so sure that God is right there beside me all the while saying, "You need to let Papa help you honey." And I'm sure I just continue to struggle my own way...resisting His...screaming louder and louder! But the gentleman He is, He doesn't force His will upon me, making me choose Him and His way...he waits until I'm ready and come to Him. Oh how I long to come to Him quicker each time!

I swear I've never learned so much about God in my whole life as I have in the brief time that I've been a mother.


As I look through mother's eyes at our precious gift, I experience an intense love unlike any other (not more or less than any other kind of love, just different and unique)...great joy when I see her grow, learn and accomplish... almost real physical pain when she gets hurt... bright hope and anticipation for her to walk a right path in life that will lead to true happiness and fulfillment... a deep desire to appropriately teach, instruct and discipline her for her own good and and safety... and a ferocious mama bear drive to protect her from harm of any kind. And then I stop to think. This is how God looks at me. I understand Him, experience Him and bask in His love for me in a whole new way!

Job Hunting With God

I have been job hunting for a while now. I'm looking for a position because, while we can make it on what Jason is bringing in it's SUPER DUPER tight. It would be nice to have a little extra cash to help pay down debt more aggressively, save, and perhaps buy some desperately needed new clothes and some gifts for people this Christmas.

However, I still struggle with wondering if I'm trying to control the situation and take matters in to my own hands by looking for a job. And while I do pray a lot about it, I still wonder if God wants me to just stay home and concentrate on Jason and Ella and increase my faith by trusting Him for finances. On the other hand I wonder if He has some great plans to continue to use me and teach me and grow me working with people. I've got no clear cut answers. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, following His voice as best I can hear and Believing (capital B) that He will work it all out. So really, I can't go wrong.

The process has been interesting to say the least. I need to find something that is nights or weekends so we don't have to do childcare because that would just cancel out the extra money if we had to pay for that! I want something that is only a few nights a week. And I want something in the social services field, preferably working with adults with mental illnesses because that is where my heart is and I'd like to keep my foot in the field. Needless to say, there's not a lot out there and (shocker) they don't pay well.

I hadn't found opportunities to work with adults with mental illnesses. So I have taken two interviews for working with the elderly, gotten offered both jobs, and turned the first one down and have been agonizing over the second.

Just tonight as I prayed about whether or not to take the second offer, I pleaded that God give me a clear answer. Hearing nothing but silence, I went looking for more jobs. And low and behold...there were FIVE new listings for jobs working with adults with mental illnesses, all per-diem. PERFECT. Just finished applying for all five. God is good.

Reconnecting

FRIDAY 6/26/09
Reconnected with an old friend today. So great to see her and talk wit her. With her we can just pick up where we left off. We have a lot in common and I love that she is so actively growing in her relationship with the Lord. She encourages me and we always spur each other on in good spiritual discussions! She has two little ones now. One 4 and one 2. Last I saw her, her oldest was just a year or so old!

Went to a praise and worship time at the church. Jason stayed home to put the little one to sleep. What a refreshing time. God really met me there. He’s been so present in my life through this whole move, showing me His love and grace and inviting me to rest in it. Speaking to me in so many different ways….through His Word… through a book I’m reading…through friends…through the lyrics in the music tonight…all echoing the same things over and over… I love it when His voice is this clear!

I'm BaaAAAaaack!

I almost cannot contain my excitement at the fact that I am online right now. I not actually back. I'm at a local super cute coffee shop that has free wi-fi. However our internet at home should be up and running by mid week this week.

I know, I know you all miss me like crazy and your life hasn't been the same without me or my blog. Never fear people! I've been typing blog posts and saving them, so once I upload them all you'll have enough reading for the next week and a half!

Here’s a fun praise…Tuesday and Wednesday are the days we were being packed up and unpacked. Those two days the skies cleared and there was dry sunny weather! All other days surrounding those…rain, rain, rain. Thank-you God!

Other than that, I’ll give you the highlights day by day!

A Few Last Tidbits....

Well, we said goodbye to Gabby with quite a bang today. I was nursing Ella when I heard gut wrenching, awful, evil meowing sounds. (Jason tried to put Gabs in a cat carrier by himself...not a good idea) Then I saw one lightning streak of black and white make a bee line for under our bed. Next, Hunter came running in beside me, head low and tale tucked between his legs. That's because he was being chased by a giant, puffed up, ANGRY Mr. Quinn (our other cat...who this morning bore an uncanny likeness to the cat pictured at left.) who was coming to Gabby's defense by chasing, hissing, growling and and beating our 65lb. golden retriever with his front paws.... Whether Mr. Quinn thought Hunter was trying to hurt Gabby or merely decided to take out his frustration on the dog because he can... is still unknown. But all of this got an immediate bottom lip reaction from Ella and she started bawling.

"Lord Help Us if this is any indication of the move to come!" Is all I could think.

After helping Jason put Gabby in her carrier he was off to deliver her. I'm at home (a.k.a. the chaos zone) finishing up some last minute things, enjoying the babe and reflecting.

She had one shot today. Didn't even cry! She's so lovey and happy all the time...except if anyone but Jason and I hold her! Oh, how I hope she outgrows that quickly! I so want others to be able to enjoy the love that she is! She is talking up a storm. She likes to make this funny sound with her throat...sometimes blows bubbles, attempts zurburts, sticks out her tongue, and is now saying "gagagaga" all the time!

Jason and I feel so loved. Scott and Esther had a bonfire at their house for us last Friday night. Four other couples that are good friends of ours came and it was the perfect last little gathering for us! Cute kids running around...good food...men being manly tending the fire...good girl talk...good discussion...much laughter...and s'mores to end the night!

On Saturday we got together with Kevin and Wendy for breakfast. We've known them for a while but not really gotten to KNOW them until we moved out here. And even though we've only been here a short time, we feel so connected to them. We have so much in common. After filling our tummies the boys went to move things and the girls stayed back. We, AS ALWAYS, had great, real, edifying, thought provoking conversation. Love it!

Sunday we were one of the announcements....they let everyone know it would be our last Sunday and expressed that they'd all miss us. Then my mom, sister and I went out to lunch to celebrate my mom's birthday, then drove around to look at camps for my mom. It is far too rare an occasion that all three of us women are together. So it was great! And then that evening our small group held a kind of going away BBQ and gave us a lovely card with well wishes.

These are the things in life that matter. These are the things that are priceless. Wonderful Family. Great friends that care about us. Great relationships. Great connections. Great conversations. Time spent together. Kind words. Help given. Love shared. Oh how blessed we are! Our hearts are full!

These are the things that are hard move further away from! O Lord I know that you go before us, making a way for us, preparing our path. Thank-you for that!

I suppose I shall be signing off for a bit. The movers come early tomorrow morning. After they are done, I will clean, and we will head down to our new place...spend the night there and greet the movers in the morning! Don't know when we'll have internet so, so long for now!

The Rest of the Story...

I said a while back I'd post the whole story about Jason's new job and this new transition in life. Well, here goes. It is amazing to reflect on God's hand in this whole process. I'll try not to be too long winded...but who are we kidding...this is me here people!

When we first transitioned out of CCC in late 2007 Jason looked for Engineering jobs. He did not get job offers from any that he would like doing and/or would pay enough. So he went back to school for his masters. Instead of finishing his Masters straight through, he went into teaching, taking a masters class here and there, because our babe was on the way.

Two or three months ago, after another "family blow up" shall we say (Those of you who know us know what I am speaking of and know that these episodes are far too common, and truly heartbreaking for Jason.) Jason was at his wits end. He announced to me that he wanted to get as far away as possible. I thought he was just blowing off steam but he actually put in applications all over the U.S. We're talking, Alaska, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Idaho, Montana. I mean, the man wanted to get FAR away!

Although I told him I would support him wherever he wanted to go and would go with him if he really thought it was the best thing...(and I really would have)....After much discussion he decided not to move us cross country. Whew!

In this whole process of looking for jobs "as far away from here as I can get" Jason found numerous engineering jobs that sounded exciting to him. With curiosity peaked, he decided to look, again, for engineering jobs in Maine. He applied for several that looked good, but he'd been out of the field for too long. Although he really didn't like the Shipyard when he worked there last he decided to call and see if other departments were hiring than the one he'd previously worked in. They were!

Hurdle #1: Get an Interview: One in particular sounded good. He was told that he was being recommended for the interview but 10 or so other people were being recommended as well and a group of supervisors would have to agree on the candidate. He got the interview. Over hurdle #1.

When he went for the interview the person who was supposed to interview him got called away an hour before. The stand in interviewer turned out to be a Christian. Not only did Jason nail the actual work/job part of the interview with his mad skills, but they got to talking about personal stuff afterward and shared their testimonies, found out that they know a ton of the same people and determined they have a lot in common. I won't list all the details but it was uncanny and definitely a God thing!

Hurdle #2 Get the Job: He also had an interview for another department. We were praying for Department 260 because the Christian guy would be his supervisor. He could work 4 10's. It's a more family friendly environment. It's a more hands on job that he would like more. There is no forced overtime. The pay raises come quicker. And occasionally he might get sent to work at other shipyards....like San Diego or Pearl Harbor! A few weeks later he got the job offer for the one he wanted! Over Hurdle #2.

Hurdle #3 Break the News: He now had to tell the people at his work which he was very nervous about. Everyone ended up being very supportive and understanding. Telling him that they knew he was doing the right thing for his family. Over Hurdle #3.

Hurdle #4 Sell the Dirt Patch: Now we had to sell our house (a.k.a. trailer on a dirt patch) in one rockin' housing market! Jason knocks on our neighbors door and asks if he wants to buy our place. He says yes. He gets financing. We close whenever we want to. Crushed Hurdle #4.

Hurlde #5 Fill One Tall Apartment Order: Now we need to find a place to rent in Southern Maine. Oh, did I also mention it needs to have 2 bedrooms, storage, a W/D hookup, a yard, be in a nice neighborhood, allow pets, be a decent drive to the Shipyard, not be a dump AND be 800/mo or under...and we don't want to start paying rent until June? And after one LONG day of hunting, the very last one we looked at had everything on our list and MORE! Hurdle #5 obliterated!

Hurdle #6 Afford the Move and Keep Health Insurance: We needed to time the getting done of our jobs and the start up of his new job so that we can afford to move and so that we keep health insurance for the babe. (Ahh the carefree days of only having to worry about yourself are over!) It just so happens that both of our paychecks will carry through to exactly when Jason's new paychecks start coming in. And my health insurance will cover us until exactly when Jason's new health insurance kicks in.

Coincidence? Absolutely not! I would be remiss if I did not say that fervent prayers for guidance and provision were offered up every Day! You see, God can take even the most discouraging of circumstances, and some initially rash decisions and turn them into something wonderful! God is Good. All the time. All the time. God is GOOD!

Middle of the Night Feedings

I'll admit, when she first starts to fuss and whimper at 3am (I truly can't complain too much because that's her only nighttime feeding), my initial reaction is to roll back over and pray to Jesus that she'll just go back to sleep.

But then I'm in her room, getting her out of her crib, snuggling that adorable little body with the sleepy eyes that are still fully shut but the gaping mouth that's just searching for food. And she melts my heart all over again.

Recently, every time I catch myself thinking, "Are you full yet? Can I go back to sleep," the still small voice of the Lord enters in and says to me, "Sarah, savor these moments. Do not wish them away. She will only be small enough to cradle in one arm for so long. She will only depend on you solely for her sustenance for so long. You will only have these middle of the night times where it's just you and her, rocking softly in the dim light of her nursery for so long. Drink in this precious sight."

Thank-you Lord for Middle of the Night Feedings!

Prime Piece of Real Estate for Sale!

The circumstances surrounding Jason getting this job were too perfect to be just coincidence (perhaps I'll write the details out one of these days). Along with the many hours of prayer that went into this whole decisions, it is undeniable that God's hand is in it and He is paving the way.

My next big question to worry about (there's always something) has been...Okay, new job, moving, who in heck is going to want to buy our trailer in the middle of a giant dirt patch, when the economy and real estate market are just booming away!?

Don't get me wrong. We have 3 acres, with beautiful views and it was going to make a lovely spot for a house....someday....when we planted grass, and trees and such. But right now...it's not much to look at. That picture right there is purty much exactly what our entire lot looks like!

We can't afford rent in southern Maine and a mortgage up here while we wait for it to sell, and I don't want to be up here without Jason while he sleeps on friends couches during the work week and then comes home on the weekends while we wait to sell. So, all the while we were praying for God's will in this job and large life change one of my prayers has been this word for word..."God, if you want this to happen, please prepare a buyer for this house and land. And please work all the timing issues out."

Once again God has shown that He is good and that He will provide if we just trust in Him. When Jason got the official job offer he decided to go knock on our neighbors door and ask if he wanted to buy our place. His response? "Yup, just tell me how much and I'll go to the bank." It seems that he had been thinking about buying it before we did anyway. And he wants to accumulate all the land on his side of the road and be able to control who lives next to him. He has no time table so when we close and move is up to us and we can line it up perfectly with our needs. WOW.

Permission to Speak Freely Sir!? Permission Granted!

Okay, we've told most of our family, the people at our workplaces and some friends...to the rest of you this will be a complete surprise....

LONG STORY SHORT:
Jason is going back into engineering. He got a job at the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard. He worked there before training to be a nuclear engineer but did not like it. He will not be going the nuclear route this time, jut mechanical and he thinks he'll really like it. We'll know in a couple weeks exactly when he'll be starting, but the month being thrown around is June. AHHHH! That's a little faster than we had originally thought.

MY THOUGHTS/FEELINGS:
The cons are:
~This means yet another move (you know how much I LOVE moving).
~We'll be moving away from my mom and sister who we are so close to now, which means we'll see them less and Ella won't get to be around them as much.
~We'll be moving away from our amazing church family, some super close friends and my beloved mommy group.
~I'll be leaving the clients and staff team at work that I ADORE.
~Jason won't be able to deer hunt the places he really likes to, or fish all the places up north he's gotten to know so well.
~The cost of living down there is more expensive, we'll have to rent for a couple years.
~We'll have to find new baby sitters.

The pros are:
~I will be able to stay home with Ella and concentrate on trying to start a little home business Jason has forever been encouraging me to do (Or perhaps just work one day a week at first).
~Money will still be tight at first, but with raises over the next few years it will put us in a place financially where we'll be able to pay off debt, build up a savings, put money away for Ella's college and save up for a down payment on a house.
~The department Jason is going to seems very family friendly, he'll be able to work 4 10's so he'll be home with us 3 days a week, and he won't ever have to bring home work!
~I really like the Southern Maine area...lots of stuff to do....lots of beaches close by.
~As Jason thinks about having to rethink his outdoor adventures, he is getting jazzed about getting back into striper fishing, learning how to fish the Androscogin River and exploring the beautiful Bethel area.
~We have an awesome church family in York that we can return to with great people that we had only begun to get to know when we left. It will be an easy place to start back up and build deeper friendships and a great support network.
~When you rent you don't have to worry about any yard work, snow plowing or maintenance.....
~We're still in Maine so we'll still see family. And we'll be closer to one Auntie Erin!
~Even though I adore moving so much....we've vowed to each other that this one is permanent!

So all in all, the conclusion is...it's bitter sweet...but we really believe it's the right thing for our family and we have seen God's hand of confirmation all along the way.

Until we meet again.

I'm not sure why this strikes me so sentimental, but on March 20th I know of one life that began and one life that ended. An old friend of mine welcomed her first baby into this world. And on that same day, the world said goodbye to a wonderful man, Bill Gormely.

I attended Bill's memorial service today. I've only attended two funeral's since my father's. One was my grandfather's and the other was Steve's, a man who was a secondary father figure to me. I find funerals just too difficult. I like to remember the person the way they were. Not have my last memory be of the way they looked in a casket.

But I recently decided that that's kind of selfish of me. And decided to start going to funerals and memorial services to pay my respects and to offer love and support. Boy am I glad I decided that not too long ago.

Bill's memorial service was exactly what it said it would be... a celebration of his life. Many, many poster boards filled with pictures of him living and loving life. Belongings of his that reminded us all of who he was and the things he loved to do. Singing beautiful worship songs that were among his favorites. Friends and family members getting up to share stories about Bill that often sent laughter erupting from the crowd. And a message reminding us of the reason that we can be so joyous and celebratory in the face of such loss and grief. Bill knew Jesus Christ as his personal savior. And because of that, how truly wonderful it is that we can know for sure that he is in Heaven.

Bill, I am so glad to know that you are face to face with Christ your Savior, that you have no more pain, that you can rejoice in the presence of God for all eternity. And for those of us who know Christ as our Savior, how glad we are that we can say without a doubt, we'll see you again someday. Until then, we'll still miss you greatly!

Ella's Dedication!

On Sunday we dedicated Ella to the Lord. This is what we do at our church. We do not baptize babes because baptism (according to every example in the Bible) is for people who have made a conscious decision to accept Christ as their Savior and then want to publicly profess that decision through baptism. So, Lord willing, she will accept Christ when she is able to understand and be baptized then!

Because we believe she is His gift and blessing to us, we publicly dedicate her back to Him and commit to dedicate ourselves to raising her according to His will.

It was especially sweet because two other couples (our close friends) also had their little girls dedicated. Shannon sang a beautiful and perfect song for the occasion that brought a tear to my eye and then Little Charlotte, Kirsten and Ella were dedicated. A lovely day!

If I could freeze time...

I hope that you are blessed enough to have times in your life that you want to just freeze time, capture that moment and keep it forever.

Neither Jason or I are singers...or musically inclined in any way shape or form. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE music! Put me in a room or car alone and I'll belt a song right out...one that nobody else wants to hear! But Jason could really just take it or leave it. That's makes this all the more precious.

I bought Ella a CD of Christian children's songs today. During her awake time Jason laid her on her happy hippo mat in her room, laid down next to her and turned on the CD. The next thing I know, through the baby monitor in the living room, I hear Jason singing to Ella! There he is, shaking her toys, smiling at her and singing along to songs like, "Rise and Shine and Give God the Glory Glory" and "He's got the Whole World in His Hands". Yup. I love that man!

Week Two

Bear with me if you will...for a little while you will probably get a weekly post on how my work week went. It's my way of getting it all out and moving on.

Jason has been quite the sick puppy for a good while now. Tuesday night before I went back to work he was in rough shape and coughing so loudly that he slept on the couch because it kept waking Ella and I up. I got very little sleep due to that and due to the fact that Ella, who usually wakes up once in the night, woke up 4 times to eat! And Jason, who is usually super helpful with her in the night by alternating diaper changes, was down for the count. In the morning I was so exhausted I felt like I could barely stand!

My morning prayer on the drive to work Wednesday morning was tearful and short and went something like this, "Lord, I know you tell us You won't give us more than we can handle. But this sure FEELS like more than I can handle right now. Help. Please." I was lucky to make through Wednesday. I felt absolutely out of it all day and by 4pm I had a raging headache. On my drive home that night the street signs looked blurry and I had to fight to stay awake.

Thursday and Friday were much better. Jason was still down and out so I was on my own with her at night but she went back to her normal sleep pattern. I felt motivated at work and got a lot accomplished and, surprisingly, felt pretty good when I rolled in the drive Friday at 11pm. I remember distinctly thinking. I remember distinctly thinking, "Okay, maybe I CAN do this whole working mom thing." So it's still a bit of a roller coaster ride!

And Jason is feeling better now. And I am feeling sick. Blah. I'm determined to fight it off. Jason has been amazing as usual. He spent his Friday afternoon and a good part of his Saturday doing things he saw on my weekend to do list like: Tidy House, Change sheets, do laundry, do dishes. What a man!