"Working mother"...someone called me that today...it was the first time I had heard that in reference to myself. Surreal. Can't say I like the ring of it. Because that was never the plan. Let's be honest. If I had all the money in the world of course I'd be a stay at home mom! But life isn't so.
Work week number one is over. My team makes it easy to be back. I did miss them and the clients. I'm getting back into the swing of things there quicker than I expected.
Surprisingly enough there were no tears. I cried a little the day before going back, thinking about leaving Ella, but there were no tears during the actual workdays or even the drive to and from. There was a lot of praying, and a lot of singing along to worship tunes in the car to distract myself. And a lot of trying to stay distracted enough in general so I didn't really think about missing her. So maybe I'm just repressing all the feelings. Hmmm healthy for a social worker! :)
My first day back wasn't hard because I had seen Ella all day the day before. And it was exciting like your first day back to school after summer break (So maybe I was a nerd! So what!?). It was day number two and three that were killer and double killer.
I got home at 8:30pm Wednesday and Ella was already asleep. I hadn't seen her all day and didn't get to interact with her except to nurse her. In the morning she was still sleeping at 9am. I was so bummed that I wouldn't get to see her sweet waking up smiles and exchange those adorable coos with her before I left for another 11 hours... so I selfishly woke her up so I'd get to have like 15 minutes with her...it was SO hard to go to work Thursday.
Got home Thursday night to yet again, a sleeping baby and again only got to interact with her to nurse her and had to leave the next morning to be away from her for 13 hours this time. It was KILLER to leave her Friday morning. So now, here I am at 11pm on Friday night and I feel like I haven't seen my child or interacted with her in 3 days straight. Crappy, Crappy, Crappy! (That's the nicest word I can think of right now.)
Ella, of course, did just fine. My mom, sweet woman that she is, had me write sheets of instructions so that she could be sure to honor and follow the way that we raise Ella and the routine that we have carved out for her. So wonderful. And Friday Ella was with Jason because he's a super sicko boy! Here's hoping Ella and I don't get it.
I guess that's all for now. Just needed to process my first week back. I guess it can be summed up with, "I miss her like crazy!"
2 comments:
I feel so bad that you have to be away from Ella for so long at a time. I love being with her, but wish you could stay home with her instead, so that you would be happy. You are such a good mommy!
(But I bet they are glad to have you back at work.)
And I should have come over on Friday even if Jason said he was fine. Sorry I didn't. That is a long stretch to care for a baby when you are sick.
awww, Sarah, so sorry that you have to be away from her for such long time periods! That is very stinky. It's great that she does so well with your mom and Jason, though, because at least you know she's happy and well cared for! hope to see you tomorrow!
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