I like to tell myself that I get extra stressed out these days because I'm super hormonally pregnant. While that may be true, I think I have to admit that being the super organized, like to plan everything kind of person that I am...it's really just me and not the hormones.So here's the situation...Baby on the way and it is our goal that I will either stay at home with the kiddos or at least only work part time. However, there has to be enough money to allow for that.
Therefore Jason is trying to get a teaching job again this summer and will finish his degree as he teaches. If he gets a job far away we will have to move. (The extent to which I HATE moving could be the topic of a whole entire post.) The price range of the houses that we will be looking at will be far inferior to the house we have now and all that we've done to it. And the house could be far away from all my friends and supports, including our church.
If he gets a job near here, I will still have to work in order to stay in this home. And we're throwing around the idea of buying land, putting a trailer on it and building our dream house out back as we can afford it so that in the long run we can live mortgage free. While the dream house and mortgage free part sound great, the long haul to get there sounds taxing and evokes chaotic images in my mind. (Recap - Chaos is NOT Sarah's friend.)
And if Jason doesn't get a job, we will have to sell the house and do something because when I'm on unpaid maternity leave for three months and all he's getting is a grad student stipend, we literally won't stay afloat financially.
So those are all the scenarios and I've tried to hold this home with an open hand but it is becoming increasingly apparent that I have really become attached. We have worked so hard to get our house the way we want it. We have a great yard for kids to play in. We live on a dead end street. We have fantastic neighbors. We have good friends close by all around. And I LOVE my job! So you can see why I'm FREAKIN' out about the possible (and when I get real about it, the inevitable) changes.
However, the Lord spoke to me in a very timely manner today through our pastor's sermon and through His Word. He reminded me that God is the God of Peace. So much so that He died for us so that He could leave us His peace. And we can go through ANY trial in our life with peace from God and come out on the other end grateful and praising Him, or we can go through it without His peace and come out on the other end saying, "Why did I worry so much?"
If I continue in the path I have started down, you can surely lump me in the latter category. And that I do not want. Every other tough spot Jason or I or both of us has ever been in, the Lord has provided for us. Often times in truly miraculous ways. Why do I so easily forget that? He will surely do it again. And no matter what happens, no matter how nice or run down our house is, no matter how many things we have or don't have, no matter how tumultuous the change is, we will have a beautiful child and we will have each other. And that's all that matters.
He gave me verses to linger on like these:
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." ~John 14:27
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ~John 16:33
3 comments:
hey sarah!
me again, just wanted to let you know that my parents sold their house a year ago and have been living in an RV while they build their "dream home" paycheck by paycheck to get rid of their mortgage. I've talked with my mom quite a bit about it, who: like you is queen of organization.
She's said that it has been one of the best experiences of her life because she gets a chance to forget about material things, which she had an extremely hard time doing because it made life comfortable, but in the mean time has had much more of a chance focusing on her relationship with my dad, and us and her friends, and although it has been unbelievably difficult to do, she says she has never felt more relaxed and calm about things not being perfect, and the floors not being perfectly clean, and the laundry not being perfectly folded. She said for the first time in 35 years she has been able to sit out in the middle of their field and watch the clouds roll by and the birds fluttering about and talk with my dad and not even think that their might be dishes in the sink.
Anyways...they also lived in a trailer when I was 2 and my sister was a new born when building the house that we grew up in...and made it through...
I understand what you're going through because I've watched my mom go through it, and I also know it's easier said then done, but God will provide with ALL your needs no matter which route you guys end up going in.
Anyways, just wanted to drop in a little encouragement! Miss you!
Sarah...what can I say? Your faith is really inspiring.
Also, we should talk. I stayed home with James for three years while Jared was in school. We lived completely off of students loans and stipends. In other words, we lived off of next to nothing.
Seriously, I have a lot of poor-parent tips, so let's talk.
Between Jared's school money and my babysitting, we lived off of 21,000 a year and it was stressful at times, but I was home with James and I wouldn't trade that time for the world.
You can do whatever you chose to do, you just have to be very creative!
great post, Sarah, and Mark's sermon was good timing for me too. Love ya!
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