May 12, 2013

I Will Savor.

~For the woman who longs for a baby of her own, but month after painfully long month that little plus sign never seems to appear...
~For the momma who's world was shattered in one unforeseeable, fatal moment and it literally feels like her heart has been ripped from her chest...
~For the fearless one that endures endless medications and tests and procedures, tirelessly hoping to conceive, for herself, what seems far too easy for others to accomplish, and yet her empty arms still ache...
~For the momma who formed a sacred life inside her womb, rubbed her belly, sang sweet songs, dreamed dreams and made plans, yet never got to see her face...
~For the dear one who birthed her sweet child only to have him taken to heaven so quickly she can't help but scream at the unfairness and question God's goodness...
~For the mother who watched her own flesh and blood battle an illness with courage unimaginable, dying inside and longing to just trade places and take away the pain, only to lose that fight years later...
~For the woman who sits and waits and prays for that call, to tell her the child who's been hers in hear heart since she first laid eyes him will now be hers for real, yet the silence is deafening as the clock just keeps ticking on...
~For the saint to who welcomes the most neglected, abused, abandoned children into her home and loves  them as her own, knowing full well they could be returned to the hands of their abusers should the powers that be see fit, and yet she loves on...

For these women, I have no answers.  But I will not forget you.  I will weep with you, pray for you and honor your struggle.  And I will not take one single second for granted.  On the hardest of days, running on the littlest of sleep, with the crankiest of children I will do my best not to wish away even the toughest of moments.  Because I am blessed.  Yes, it took a combined total of 5 years to have our two beautiful babies...but we were able to get pregnant.  Each time, our children were born full term.  We are all healthy and vibrant and thriving.  I have had an easy, easy road compared to many.  I am not foolish enough to think that we are immune to hardship and I know full well, things could change in an instant.  But I will trust HIM will all my tomorrows, come what may.  And I will strive to be present in each moment, to soak in, to be grateful and to savor...

sweet footsteps waking me up from sleeping in
little girl giggles burrowing under mommy and daddy's covers
three toothed, chubby cheeked baby smiles
trot, trot to Boston bouncing on my knees
sweet nursing sessions that will be no more in the blink of an eye
preschool wrapped presents
hand drawn pictures
and homemade letters
new favorite mugs with pictures to treasure
sweetly etched menus
savory home-cooked breakfast
favorite snacks throughout the day
holding the hand of the sweetest little voice belting out "Light of the World" beside me in the pew
bare"hooves" in the grass neighing and galloping around the "jump course"
green thumb hands getting grubby in the dirt weeding side by side
tiny footprints in the sand
baby toes first dips in the Atlantic
jumping waves and racing them back to dry land
splashes and squeals and summer cotton soaked through to the bone
blond curls tangling in the sea salt spray
"just one more time momma!?"
Daddy's fleece flopping long as an over-sized little girl dress for snuggly warmth
spontaneous "I love you" 's. 
"Thank-you for everything you do... like breakfast every morning." from four year old lips.
Lobster treats, ice tea sipping, jelly dripping, boat watching dinners on the cove.
Goofy, overtired baby giggles delighting to the core
Butterfly, Eskimo and Regular kisses... "three sets momma"
lavender lotioned, peek-a-boo baby, almost too cute to leave his crib-side
squeaky clean, tuckered out girl snuggled down with one last kiss
flip the light switch, walk the hallway, plod the stairs...

...carpet's dirty, laundry's unfolded, dust bunnies abound, toys are strewn, dishes pile, counter's cluttered, bathrooms unscrubbed, yards a mess. 

Yup.  You can tell I savored today.


Cheryl said...

Beautifully said! Love, love, LOVE!!!

Jack's Mommy said...

Bless you, Sarah. As one of those mothers, I appreciate your prayers. xoxo