Aug 11, 2012

Silver Linings

I think this is first day home...still in super newborn sleepy land.
Lest you think I'm diving into a pit of despair and negativity (which sometimes on some days I might be) I want you to know that I'm still okay.  I try to count my blessings, keep my perspective, focus on the good even when the bad seems to far outweigh it, and look for the silver linings in it all.
Little Photo shoot with mama.  10 days old.
I wrote my last two posts raw and real because it helps me.  I believe in being real.  And I know that if I'm real, some other struggling mama who happens upon my blog might feel okay to be real, might feel a little less bad about her struggle, or a little less alone in her circumstance.  Real is good.
10 days old.  Yup, I'm often this awake...and I'm only not crying here because momma kept nursing me in between shots :)
So here goes my gratitude!

In the Hospital
~The really great, not too long, natural delivery that we prayed for.
~Speedy physical healing.
~Even if trapped there, I was trapped at the nicest hospital you could ask for.
~The nurses were all great...some amazing.
~The realization that in the grand scheme of things, it could be so much worse.  Some parent's go home empty handed, with aching hearts and hollow arms.  Some children are MUCH, MUCH more sick...stuck in the hospital for months, having to have surgeries, tethered in the NICU and can't even be held. 
~Because of Josiah's condition the Pediatrician was brought in instead of just the family doctor on rounds. Therefor, his circumcision was done by someone who's done a thousand or compared to a handful. Your welcome little boy ;)
~I was super freaked out about caring for a circumcision, but because were were in the hospital I forever had a nurse to come help or check on it and reassure me.
Tootsie Toes!
~When J would come and I'd go out to get my "daily dose of sun" I had the most beautifully manicured grounds to walk.  We'd stop and smell every flower, and there was even an apple tree we picked from each day.
~The food is GREAT.  Like, fresh bakes goods daily great.  Like delicious coffee great.  Like Lobster rolls for dinner great.  All I had to do was pick up the phone and order.  Minutes later some lovely food service worker was bringing a tray to my door.
~ Friends and family who visited, brought me goodies, sat, listened.
Sorry you can't see it here, but nope, neither of my children got my sweet thumbs :)
~Being lifted up in prayer
~Far away friends sending electronic hugs, love, support, encouragement and their own shared experiences.  Technology is great sometimes.  It felt like my lifeline to the outside world and time of day or night.
~Sweet reminders from God that He was there, comforting me, beside me, carrying us through.
Okay, so I guess I HAVE taken a few pictures :)  They were just all on my camera still.
~HGTV and TLC made for good company when no one else was around :)
~Super great bonding time with my new little love.
~A new special bond formed between daddy and daughter.

Since I've Been Home
~The most amazing, supportive, involved, helpful, loving husband anyone could ask for.
~A wonderful support system that MANY women do not have. 
~Meals upon meals upon meals being delivered to our door.  I cried about those...but the good tears :)
~Friends offering themselves up for anything I need.
~Listening ears and understanding hearts.
~Friends who've been there, helping me through, giving me hope.
First day out after being home.  Family trip to the park.  Nearly keeled over from exhaustion when I got home :)
~My momma free to be my momma again and help me.
~My momma ready and willing, making herself available.
~A big sister that is SO in love with her little brother and has shown not one ounce of jealousy.  She kisses him ALL the time.  So gently and sweet, cooing over him "I love you baby Josiah."  She brings him toys, reads him books and holds him in her arms. 
~Helpful little hands.  Ella insists on throwing away EVERY diaper.  In fact, she gets a little upset if you forget, or someone else does it.  She brings me things I need when I'm sitting nursing, burp clothes mostly...I always forget those!  I should just sew one to my shoulder.
~Understanding little heart.  Ella is really quite good and quite patient and understanding of Mommy being tired, emotional and not so good as a three year old can be :)
We've found our happy's called the carseat.
~Mommy, daughter relationships moving back to the way they were.
~PBS...not gonna lie, it saves my sanity these mornings.
~A steady, good job...even if it is a little crazy right now and does take Jason away a little extra on overtime right now.
~The money from overtime...even if it does mean giving up my sweetie on Saturdays.
~The Olympics to watch while soothing fussy, fussy baby.
~Yard being transformed, although still trying, keeping my eyes focused on what will be.
~Our adorable little man, so kissable and squeezable and eat right upable.

3 1/2 weeks old.  First baby mohawk!
~ Improvements...Josiah's going to sleep on his own in his carseat much more now, he's not had his super duper inconsolable times in a few days, he's giving us a longer stretch or two at night.
~Learning not to stress so much about which "philosophy" to follow and being okay with doing whatever it takes to get through these early days.
~Realizing I HAVE taken quite a few pictures :)
~Naps, rare but glorious when gotten.
~Blogs to help heal with the getting out of words.
~Two stretch marks...just sayin'  (don't be hatin' ;)
I sleep just like my sister did.  Field Goal!



Cheryl said...

Beautiful pictures! I'm so glad you are able to count your blessings! =)
Love you!

Kevin and Amy said...

Hey Love! My, what a handsome little man you have. holy Hannah - he is deee-licious!

I just couldn't help but tell you how much your last post about your homecoming and your being mama of two now so mirrors my life when we brought Jesse home. And I just have to promise you - again - that it WILL get better! :0)

I think that was the most stretching, growing, and oh so humbling year for me...and I was also in the best shape of my life because he would only be soothed in the snugli on that's what we did all the blessed day long! Ha....silving lining, right?

but, it will get better. it will. I look at jesse now, and he is truly the joy of our home.....still my humble pie on almost a daily basis....but that's good for me, too, right? kaden was such a textbook baby that I was probably impossible to live with. now i don't have any answers, because what ones i thought i had, well, jesse threw right out the window for me. ha!

anyway, it's good. the journey is crazy. the days are long. the exhaustion is insane. but the ministry and mission of sacred. big baths of grace love.

....and i had another one, so you know i'm not lying... ;)

love you!
you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. wish i lived closer. i'd clean your house from top to bottom and then bring ella over to my house to go fishing and catch creepy crawleys with my boys while you took a marathon nap of the century....