Life Lessons

Picture it: A high pitched scream errupts. I turn around to see Ella on her belly, one of her hands shut in her book, the other hand placed firmly on top of that book pressing it closed with with all of her might because she was trying to push herself up and away from the book with the free hand. The continusous screaming was partly pain, but mostly frustration and anger. I went to help her and she resisted my help, screaming louder in frustration. I spoke soothingly to her, "You need to let mama help you honey." and luckily I'm bigger and stronger so she had no choice but to help me help her and I soon freed her from her predicament half chuckling, half thinking, "You poor thing."


Then I stopped to ponder. How often do I do this in my own life? How often to I cause my own pain by my own decisions or missteps and then try to get myself out of my mess all on my own...and only end up making matters worse? I am so sure that God is right there beside me all the while saying, "You need to let Papa help you honey." And I'm sure I just continue to struggle my own way...resisting His...screaming louder and louder! But the gentleman He is, He doesn't force His will upon me, making me choose Him and His way...he waits until I'm ready and come to Him. Oh how I long to come to Him quicker each time!

I swear I've never learned so much about God in my whole life as I have in the brief time that I've been a mother.


As I look through mother's eyes at our precious gift, I experience an intense love unlike any other (not more or less than any other kind of love, just different and unique)...great joy when I see her grow, learn and accomplish... almost real physical pain when she gets hurt... bright hope and anticipation for her to walk a right path in life that will lead to true happiness and fulfillment... a deep desire to appropriately teach, instruct and discipline her for her own good and and safety... and a ferocious mama bear drive to protect her from harm of any kind. And then I stop to think. This is how God looks at me. I understand Him, experience Him and bask in His love for me in a whole new way!

Highlights and Lowlights

Some highlights from my week thus far...

~During my Tuesday women's Bible study, Ella stayed upstairs with the young women who do childcare and did excellent! Only one serious spat of tears at the beginning and then she mellowed and was at least distractable. This is such a blessing because I so long for her to get to the point where she's okay with other people and I so long for others to be able to enjoy the sweet, happy girl that we know!

~Have been very productive around the house in all things domestic (cleaning, cooking, laundry, babyfood making etc.) and have even managed to sneak a nap or two when Ella naps!

~Just had to store away a HUGE lot of clothes that Ella is too big for! Also got out a huge lot of clothes that she'll quickly be wearing. I feel SO blessed to have so much to store away and to have quite an abundance of new and used clothes that people have given to us to get out for the next phase!

~Have been enjoying new things with Ella. Swimming (got an adorable kiddie pool), swinging, bubbles, new foods, and sitting up quite well on her own. Also thought of my other mommy friends whos kiddos love bugs as I introduced Ella to two super fat slugs this morning and a rather dungy moth that let her touch him several times! She was intrigued!

~Am in the beginning stages (just research and development I guess you'd say) of actually putting action to my dream of starting my own wedding invitation business. Still a long road ahead but I sense the Lord's blessing and prompting and feel good about forward progress!

~Have been MORE than enjoying my mom's apple butter on toasted hommade bread every night for dessert! YUMMM!

Some lowlights from my week thus far...

~Although not as bad.....the place still smells of smoke. Mostly if it's closed up and damp. Arrrgghhh.

~The truck has been broken for going on 4 weeks. We don't have the money to fix it. I feel house bound! (However I have been doing a lot more walking and a lot more asking for help from others which is hard for me to do but I need to do it!)

~I've moved into the "really don't like my hair" phase, as I always do when I cut my hair off. When will I learn!? Commence the growing out process!
Isn't great when the highlights outnumber the lowlights?!

There is NOTHING like it...

...the sweet, sweet sound of baby laughter that is! Ella has been giving us a giggle or two here and there for a long time now. But today I started doing random things in front of her while we waited for her food to thaw and she was just laughing up a storm! Oh, melt my heart. I could listen to it all day long. I don't know how great the sound is...you may have to crank the volume! There was a big ol' thunderstorm going on in the background as well!

There were three, but our computer is on it's way out and would only upload this one so enjoy. She's laughing at me dancing like a drunken maniac out of view of the camera.

Night #4

She went to sleep at 6:30pm....woke BRIEFLY at 3am. Did her whole fuss, fall asleep, fuss, fall asleep thing for ONLY 15 minutes and didn't wake again until 6am!!! I'm sold! This really works!

I'm convinced that soon she won't even wake at all and I'll be a fully rested momma...I'll be a new woman!!!

I'm just wondering how it's going to go this weekend. Jason is going away on an extended fishing trip with a buddy of his, so I'm going "back home" and staying with my mom and visiting friends. I wonder if the trend will continue or not. When she's sleeping in our room she usually wakes up when we go in to go to bed....and when I'm at someone else's house and she wakes up I always feel like I need to just quick nurse her and put her back to bed so she doesn't wake anyone else....so we'll see!

7 Months Old & Night #3

She went to sleep at 6:30pm. Woke up at 2am. Did the whole fuss a little, fall asleep, fuss a little, fall asleep thing for about 40 minutes. Then slept until 5am. I thought it was amazing that she had gone for 10 1/2 hours so I nursed her at 5am and then she went back to sleep until 8am. I think that's fabulous!

Also, She is 7 months old today! As of this week she has added carrots to diet and loves them. She still LOVES reading! She is practicing her "standing" on the couch these days. She doesn't pull herself up, we put her there and this only lasts a few seconds but she loves it!She has mastered rolling over from back to belly now too. Actually, she has mastered the roll in general and now does continuous rolls to get where she wants to go. Haven't gotten that one on tape yet. And apparently she loves playing peekaboo with ANY prop available! :)

Too Good to be True! (?)

Night #2 with "cry it out" method...SHE SLEPT THROUGH BOTH NIGHT TIME FEEDINGS! This has to be too good to be true. Oh wait...yup it was....because our cat woke her up at 4am! The little babushca drifted off at 7pm and didn't wake up until we heard our stupid cat pry her door open and go in there and start meowing like bloody murder because he thinks he's starving...even though he was fed before we went to bed! The cat shall now die. JUST KIDDING! But the cat SHALL spend the night in the basement from now on.

In other news. Yesterday was glorious and sunny. The babe, Hunter and I went and explored an old railroad that's been converted into a nice trail. Then we strolled it right over to the park where Ella had her first push in a real swing (you know, the baby kind). I wish I had the camera. Her mouth was wide open with huge smiles and face all scrunched up with excitement. Then I took her down the slide with me. She loved that too.

And today I'm making good use of a rainy day. Women's Bible study in the morning, which Ella thankfully napped through most of. And now making a few loaves of bread, and chopping up fixins for a salad to go with the homemade pot pie.

I'll let you know how the night time sleep goes without kitty disruptions!

Cry it out.

Well, we finally did it. Ella turns 7 months old in a few days. She goes to bed at 6:30 or 7pm and wakes up about 6:30am. But she does nurse twice in the night. Once around 11pm or so and once around 2am or so.

The 2am feeding was starting to make me wonder. She was feeding again after only three hours. She goes longer than that during the day when she's all active and such...and she goes for a good 5 hour stretch from when she goes to bed until when she wakes up to feed again. So we were thinking this 2am wake up was just out of habbit.

So we decided to finally employ the "cry it out" method. Many of my friends have employed this method and I'd heard it could be pretty bad. Actually, it wasn't for us....at least not last night. Sure enough she woke around 2am and we waited to see what she would do instead of just going in to feed her. She would fuss, fall back asleep, fuss...cry a little, fall back a sleep etc. etc. This went on for one hour and Jason went in and rubbed her tummy and gave her her pacifier back two times. And that was it. No screaming. No wailing. Not even any extended crying. Back to sleep soundly and woke at her regular time. So we expect to do this for another few nights and then our hope is that she'll sleep that long stretch on her own without waking up.

And last but not least. I know all the theories about parenting and you can theorize all you want that this method will cause trauma to a child. But I chose to look at the facts that I know and have seen with my own two eyes:

1. 1.) I know that five of my friends have used this method with their children. Btween those five friends there are 7 children between the ages of 2 years and 8 years old. All of their children are not only happy, secure, well adjusted children...but they are also children with really great sleep habits....which the benefits of are undeniable (sleep plays a critical role in immune function, metabolism, memory, learning, and other vital functions.)!
2. 2.) We've done small bits of "cry it out" method ever since Ella was little, letting her cry a bit before she falls asleep. We now have a child with predictable, healthy sleep habits that goes right into her crib and goes down for 3 naps a day (1 hour or more long) and bedtime by 7pm in the blink of an eye. 6-9 months old need about 15 hours of sleep between naps and night time and she gets a little more than that. She can sooth herself when need be and is blissfully happy.
   
3. 3.) And last but not least, evidence enough for me, is that Ella woke up even HAPPIER this morning than she normally does (and she always wakes up happy!).

We didn't do this method until WE were ready. I'm sure Ella was ready far before we were. But I feel so good about giving her the benefits of healthy sleep! I'll let ya know how it goes!

Ella's First Food!

I wanted to wait until I was finished with work to start Ella on food. But all the signs were showing that she was ready now (almost 6 months old, learning to sit up, nursing more often, has TWO teeth, showing extreme interest in everything we eat etc. etc.) so we took the plunge!

We're just doing organic brown rice cereal mixed with breast milk for the first week, but I've whipped up some homemade batches of baby food avocado, peas, sweet potato and banana to add slowly as we go. Now she actually eats most of the cereal whereas at first it was more of a taste, spit introduction. Here's a look at our first go at it...through her eyes:


What the heck is mama doing? I've never seen that box before. Why am I in this funny looking purple thing?Oooo, whats that? Gimme that. I want that. It looks like something new I can stick in my mouth. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, gimme!
Ummm, maybe I spoke too fast. I changed my mind. I'm not so sure about this...

Daddy, what is mama doin' to me?
Wait a minute here. You might be on to something. This isn't so bad...
Oh, actually, I think I might like this...
Yup, yup, keep in comin' mama, lets have some more over here.
WHAT!? I get to hold the spoon too!?
Well, why didn't you say so in the first place...I'm sold!

Love a Good Bargain!

Sweet exersaucer: $20, Nice screw into the wall baby gate: $5, Snuggli carrier: $3, Fun crinkly rubber book: 25 cents, two bags FULL of clothes: Cheap, I can't remember the total.

Waiting in a line that wrapped around my former high school parking lot, fighting through crowds of many crazed moms, grandmothers and hormonal pregnant women, getting run into by countless strollers, and having my mom end up buying most of the stuff even in the face of my protests...PRICELESS!

Dropped the Ball on That One!

Hey Jason, here's the ball...I'm throwing it to you...ohp you dropped it...yeah you really dropped it...mmmmm yeah, that one might as well have fallen into the great abyss!

I write this not to disrespect my hubby (he gave me permission to share), but to show that he is, in fact, fallible. You see, I often write about the sweet things he does and how amazing he is. Heaven forbid you get the impression that life is all rainbows and butterflies. So here's a little flash of reality that's just too good not to share!

Mother's Day 2009...my first...I wake up, bustle around to get myself and the babe ready for church. Jason goes about his normal routine. Then he leaves...for an all day fishing trip. I go to church... by myself, still giving him the benefit of the doubt that he was just preoccupied with the trip and will totally do something later. I get home. Adore my child. Cook 7 casseroles to freeze. Wash, dry and fold three loads of laundry. Jason gets home. I wait. He unwinds. I wait. He asks what's for dinner. I'm waiting...... No "Happy mother's day". No flowers. Not even a card....nothin'! I finally bring the matter to his attention. Jason's reaction...priceless:

Silence...look of terror on face....begins hitting forehead saying, "Crap! Crap! Crap!"

Even his other macho man friend Kevin recognized the gravity of the situation when he told him and said, "Dude...you forgot mother's day? Her first mother's day? Not good man. Not good!"

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Now let me say this... Jason and I are not materialistic people. We don't really do presents except for birthdays and Christmas and even then it is only one per person. We don't value stuff. It doesn't mean a lot to us because the old adage is definitely true...Money Can't Buy Love! We value quality time spent with people, kind words, deep conversations etc. So I wasn't expecting anything extravagant. But I'm not gonna lie. I thought he'd make me breakfast or we'd sit over a candle lit dinner at home...or maybe he'd make me a card...or maybe he'd say "Happy Mother's day" !

To Jason's credit. He had remembered Mother's day was coming up a few weeks ago...so he says! He SAYS he bought me a card then and had planned to make me breakfast in bed but just totally spaced when the actual day rolled around.

Best/funniest part about the whole thing. After he realized what day it was he went to find the card he had bought me....tore the house apart...couldn't find it....realized he left it in the lap top case....of his school issued computer...which he turned in on Friday!

Don't feel sorry for me. We laugh about it now. And the poor guy feels so bad! I think I've gotten breakfast in bed every morning since then...an adorable handwritten card...home-baked cookies and flowers! I keep telling him to stop. He even offered to go out and buy me the DSLR camera I'm saving for. Knowing we can't afford it and it would be a cc purchase if made, I said absolutely not!...man why am I so reasonable sometimes!?

And on mother's day I did get a carnation at church....a beautiful card from my mother with a lovey note that made my cry (good tears)....and a lovely gift from my friend Shannon! It's all good!

Middle of the Night Feedings

I'll admit, when she first starts to fuss and whimper at 3am (I truly can't complain too much because that's her only nighttime feeding), my initial reaction is to roll back over and pray to Jesus that she'll just go back to sleep.

But then I'm in her room, getting her out of her crib, snuggling that adorable little body with the sleepy eyes that are still fully shut but the gaping mouth that's just searching for food. And she melts my heart all over again.

Recently, every time I catch myself thinking, "Are you full yet? Can I go back to sleep," the still small voice of the Lord enters in and says to me, "Sarah, savor these moments. Do not wish them away. She will only be small enough to cradle in one arm for so long. She will only depend on you solely for her sustenance for so long. You will only have these middle of the night times where it's just you and her, rocking softly in the dim light of her nursery for so long. Drink in this precious sight."

Thank-you Lord for Middle of the Night Feedings!

Ella Updates and Life

Raspberries
Miss Ella started trying to blow raspberries at the end of last week. My mom saw it and so did Jason but then she hasn't done it since. So neat (that she's doing these things) and so hard (that I'm not there to see them) at the same time.

Long Car Ride
She recently had her first really long car ride. There were some moments of crying but overall she just chilled or slept. She did great. And there was only one poop blow out, but it made for an interesting paper towel bath in an Irving rest room :) (And yes, the poo blow out occurred wearing disposables...NOT cloth)

New Cries
The cries we did hear were new cries. They were distinctly different from any we'd heard before. It was no longer a newborn, "I need something" cry. It was an, "I'm ticked and am telling the world" cry. Interesting and quite humorous at points too!

Tummy Time & Rolling Over (attempts)
Ella doesn't really like tummy time. She tires of it in approximately 2 minutes and then gets real fussy and tries to roll over. She gets about half the way, but still can't figure out how to get that pesky arm out of the way!

Grabbing
She did tolerate tummy time a little today and even reached out and grabbed a toy that was in front of her, that was a first on her tummy!

T.V.
I'm afraid this little one takes after her mamma in that she likes to watch T.V. The little bugger hears it and cranes her head right around to try to see it no matter where she is. Consequently, her mamma doesn't watch T.V. anymore! It stays off when she's up!

Page Turner
Ella turns the pages of her board books when we read to her. At first I thought she was just grabbing them, and no she doesn't get them turned quite the whole way, but now I'm pretty convinced she's actually trying to turn them. I even got it on video. It makes sense that she's trying to copy what we've been doing with her since the day we brought her home!

Laughing
Also today, I think I heard her first laugh. She LOVES laying on her back and grabbing at dangling toys. She talks up a storm and smiles and squeals. Today amongst all of her chatter, I'm pretty sure I heard a few laughs. They were so funny! Low "hahahaha's" and a little evil sounding if I do say so myself!

Good Life!
And today is just a wonderful Tuesday. I'm relaxing, baking homemade bread, washing diapers, picking up around the house and just soaking in the moments with my babe. Every sigh, every cry, every smile, every coo, every movement and every snuggle is precious. Life is good.

Week Two

Bear with me if you will...for a little while you will probably get a weekly post on how my work week went. It's my way of getting it all out and moving on.

Jason has been quite the sick puppy for a good while now. Tuesday night before I went back to work he was in rough shape and coughing so loudly that he slept on the couch because it kept waking Ella and I up. I got very little sleep due to that and due to the fact that Ella, who usually wakes up once in the night, woke up 4 times to eat! And Jason, who is usually super helpful with her in the night by alternating diaper changes, was down for the count. In the morning I was so exhausted I felt like I could barely stand!

My morning prayer on the drive to work Wednesday morning was tearful and short and went something like this, "Lord, I know you tell us You won't give us more than we can handle. But this sure FEELS like more than I can handle right now. Help. Please." I was lucky to make through Wednesday. I felt absolutely out of it all day and by 4pm I had a raging headache. On my drive home that night the street signs looked blurry and I had to fight to stay awake.

Thursday and Friday were much better. Jason was still down and out so I was on my own with her at night but she went back to her normal sleep pattern. I felt motivated at work and got a lot accomplished and, surprisingly, felt pretty good when I rolled in the drive Friday at 11pm. I remember distinctly thinking. I remember distinctly thinking, "Okay, maybe I CAN do this whole working mom thing." So it's still a bit of a roller coaster ride!

And Jason is feeling better now. And I am feeling sick. Blah. I'm determined to fight it off. Jason has been amazing as usual. He spent his Friday afternoon and a good part of his Saturday doing things he saw on my weekend to do list like: Tidy House, Change sheets, do laundry, do dishes. What a man!

Darn Snow!

This isn't your typical "Darn Snow" post. I love the snow. I love it as I watch it barrel down sideways outside my window right now. I love how beautiful it's blanket of white makes everything look. I love playing in it. And you'll almost never hear me saying things like, " I wish spring would come."

But you see, today is another Monday blizzard. Last Monday we had a blizzard too. Monday's are my mommy time. I get to go hang out with a handful of other wonderful mommies and all our babes. So this makes two weeks in a row that I've missed that time because of the "darn snow"! Add to that that I only popped in briefly to the one three weeks ago because I had a stinkin' dentist appointment and didn't go to the one before that because we had Ella's two month check up... and all of a sudden I haven't been in a good month! I'm feeling quite disconnected and right now, pretty hold up by this "darn snow"!

Oh well, whatcha gonna do? At least I'm hold up with my hubby because he got another monday snowday! Here's hopin' for a clear day next Monday!

Wednesday Adventures

Today we went up to Old Town to visit Renee and her little girl Claira. Claira is two months older than Ella and ridiculously adorable/happy/easygoing! Here's a great picture Renee got of both of them smiling.Then while we were in town I took the opportunity to visit two other families that had yet to see Ella. I dropped in at the Winslows and got to see their whole brood. Tirzah held Ella and Ella stayed content for the longest I've ever seen her with someone!

We also stopped in at the Palmeters and I was so impressed with how interested the boys were with Ella and how super gentle they were.

T'was a long day of visiting but Ella did great and didn't get anywhere near as fussy as I had thought she might. I think she's finally getting used to this going out stuff. But in the end I think our daughter is an introvert like J and I because you could tell she was glad to be home. It was so good to see people, even if just for a quick visit. All in all, a lovely day!