Life Lessons

Picture it: A high pitched scream errupts. I turn around to see Ella on her belly, one of her hands shut in her book, the other hand placed firmly on top of that book pressing it closed with with all of her might because she was trying to push herself up and away from the book with the free hand. The continusous screaming was partly pain, but mostly frustration and anger. I went to help her and she resisted my help, screaming louder in frustration. I spoke soothingly to her, "You need to let mama help you honey." and luckily I'm bigger and stronger so she had no choice but to help me help her and I soon freed her from her predicament half chuckling, half thinking, "You poor thing."


Then I stopped to ponder. How often do I do this in my own life? How often to I cause my own pain by my own decisions or missteps and then try to get myself out of my mess all on my own...and only end up making matters worse? I am so sure that God is right there beside me all the while saying, "You need to let Papa help you honey." And I'm sure I just continue to struggle my own way...resisting His...screaming louder and louder! But the gentleman He is, He doesn't force His will upon me, making me choose Him and His way...he waits until I'm ready and come to Him. Oh how I long to come to Him quicker each time!

I swear I've never learned so much about God in my whole life as I have in the brief time that I've been a mother.


As I look through mother's eyes at our precious gift, I experience an intense love unlike any other (not more or less than any other kind of love, just different and unique)...great joy when I see her grow, learn and accomplish... almost real physical pain when she gets hurt... bright hope and anticipation for her to walk a right path in life that will lead to true happiness and fulfillment... a deep desire to appropriately teach, instruct and discipline her for her own good and and safety... and a ferocious mama bear drive to protect her from harm of any kind. And then I stop to think. This is how God looks at me. I understand Him, experience Him and bask in His love for me in a whole new way!

Highlights and Lowlights

Some highlights from my week thus far...

~During my Tuesday women's Bible study, Ella stayed upstairs with the young women who do childcare and did excellent! Only one serious spat of tears at the beginning and then she mellowed and was at least distractable. This is such a blessing because I so long for her to get to the point where she's okay with other people and I so long for others to be able to enjoy the sweet, happy girl that we know!

~Have been very productive around the house in all things domestic (cleaning, cooking, laundry, babyfood making etc.) and have even managed to sneak a nap or two when Ella naps!

~Just had to store away a HUGE lot of clothes that Ella is too big for! Also got out a huge lot of clothes that she'll quickly be wearing. I feel SO blessed to have so much to store away and to have quite an abundance of new and used clothes that people have given to us to get out for the next phase!

~Have been enjoying new things with Ella. Swimming (got an adorable kiddie pool), swinging, bubbles, new foods, and sitting up quite well on her own. Also thought of my other mommy friends whos kiddos love bugs as I introduced Ella to two super fat slugs this morning and a rather dungy moth that let her touch him several times! She was intrigued!

~Am in the beginning stages (just research and development I guess you'd say) of actually putting action to my dream of starting my own wedding invitation business. Still a long road ahead but I sense the Lord's blessing and prompting and feel good about forward progress!

~Have been MORE than enjoying my mom's apple butter on toasted hommade bread every night for dessert! YUMMM!

Some lowlights from my week thus far...

~Although not as bad.....the place still smells of smoke. Mostly if it's closed up and damp. Arrrgghhh.

~The truck has been broken for going on 4 weeks. We don't have the money to fix it. I feel house bound! (However I have been doing a lot more walking and a lot more asking for help from others which is hard for me to do but I need to do it!)

~I've moved into the "really don't like my hair" phase, as I always do when I cut my hair off. When will I learn!? Commence the growing out process!
Isn't great when the highlights outnumber the lowlights?!

Can You Ever Truly Be Safe?

WARNING TO MY MOTHER: Before you read this…mentally prepare yourself for a mild panic attack. Take a deep breath. Say a little prayer. And know that everything will be okay!

I know I joked about the person riding down the middle of the road on his four-wheeler holding a rifle when we lived in Etna. But I was never once for a minute scared. I whole-heartedly knew that that firearm was only for shooting animals. And the next day I talked to my sister and she informed me that she knew the dude (because everyone knows everyone on that road) and he was nice. I NEVER locked my doors and made it a regular practice to leave my purse in my unlocked car whenever it was parked in my driveway. Heck, we never even closed our blinds unless we wanted to block the light out. I do believe I have kissed those times good-bye!

So, two teenagers were murdered Tuesday morning in the next town over from us. Yup. Gunned down in the street. They already have the person in custody that they think did it. There appears to be some history there.

And today I went to my landlord’s bank right here in town to pay our rent. The tellers are fully enclosed behind (what I am assuming is) bullet proof glass. You talk to them through little microphones and the transactions are exchanged through those little metal turntabley thingys.

As I drove home I pondered which high level security package I would get and what color window bars would go best with our home’s exterior décor.

And then I reconsidered and thought… “Can we ever truly be safe?” NO. We could get hurt or die one million different ways. We can’t live our lives in fear trying to avoid everyone of them, because that wouldn’t be living at all.

Besides. Even when I lived “Up Maine”, there were murders right in Bangor. And there are always murders in surrounding “hick towns” too. It doesn’t matter how populated the area is that you live. It’s everywhere!

The Lord has us in His Grip. Nothing can take us out of His hands! Isn't His peace great!?

Reconnecting

FRIDAY 6/26/09
Reconnected with an old friend today. So great to see her and talk wit her. With her we can just pick up where we left off. We have a lot in common and I love that she is so actively growing in her relationship with the Lord. She encourages me and we always spur each other on in good spiritual discussions! She has two little ones now. One 4 and one 2. Last I saw her, her oldest was just a year or so old!

Went to a praise and worship time at the church. Jason stayed home to put the little one to sleep. What a refreshing time. God really met me there. He’s been so present in my life through this whole move, showing me His love and grace and inviting me to rest in it. Speaking to me in so many different ways….through His Word… through a book I’m reading…through friends…through the lyrics in the music tonight…all echoing the same things over and over… I love it when His voice is this clear!

Homesick!

6/23/09
It’s Tuesday, tomorrow we will have been here one week. It was a stressful morning. Went to a women’s Bible study. Ella couldn’t nap, she was fussy, there were tons of people there, it was hot and kind of chaotic. By the time I left we were both absolutely wiped. Ella zonked in 2.2 and introvert me felt like I’d had my fill of people for the next year!

Got some serious pangs of “homesickeness”. Started to think…will I ever fit in down here? Will I ever find my niche? Will I ever find women with whom I can have close, real relationships? Will I ever feel like this is home? I’m missing my ladies!!! Prayed a lot. Talked to Jason when he got home. Let a few tears roll. Reminded myself of all of the reasons we’re doing this.

Even though I felt like hibernating, went out with all the women again to a “girls night out” at the movies. We saw “The Proposal”. It was pee-your pants funny! I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. Good medicine! The evening was more low key than the morning, had good conversations. Really glad I went.

A Few Last Tidbits....

Well, we said goodbye to Gabby with quite a bang today. I was nursing Ella when I heard gut wrenching, awful, evil meowing sounds. (Jason tried to put Gabs in a cat carrier by himself...not a good idea) Then I saw one lightning streak of black and white make a bee line for under our bed. Next, Hunter came running in beside me, head low and tale tucked between his legs. That's because he was being chased by a giant, puffed up, ANGRY Mr. Quinn (our other cat...who this morning bore an uncanny likeness to the cat pictured at left.) who was coming to Gabby's defense by chasing, hissing, growling and and beating our 65lb. golden retriever with his front paws.... Whether Mr. Quinn thought Hunter was trying to hurt Gabby or merely decided to take out his frustration on the dog because he can... is still unknown. But all of this got an immediate bottom lip reaction from Ella and she started bawling.

"Lord Help Us if this is any indication of the move to come!" Is all I could think.

After helping Jason put Gabby in her carrier he was off to deliver her. I'm at home (a.k.a. the chaos zone) finishing up some last minute things, enjoying the babe and reflecting.

She had one shot today. Didn't even cry! She's so lovey and happy all the time...except if anyone but Jason and I hold her! Oh, how I hope she outgrows that quickly! I so want others to be able to enjoy the love that she is! She is talking up a storm. She likes to make this funny sound with her throat...sometimes blows bubbles, attempts zurburts, sticks out her tongue, and is now saying "gagagaga" all the time!

Jason and I feel so loved. Scott and Esther had a bonfire at their house for us last Friday night. Four other couples that are good friends of ours came and it was the perfect last little gathering for us! Cute kids running around...good food...men being manly tending the fire...good girl talk...good discussion...much laughter...and s'mores to end the night!

On Saturday we got together with Kevin and Wendy for breakfast. We've known them for a while but not really gotten to KNOW them until we moved out here. And even though we've only been here a short time, we feel so connected to them. We have so much in common. After filling our tummies the boys went to move things and the girls stayed back. We, AS ALWAYS, had great, real, edifying, thought provoking conversation. Love it!

Sunday we were one of the announcements....they let everyone know it would be our last Sunday and expressed that they'd all miss us. Then my mom, sister and I went out to lunch to celebrate my mom's birthday, then drove around to look at camps for my mom. It is far too rare an occasion that all three of us women are together. So it was great! And then that evening our small group held a kind of going away BBQ and gave us a lovely card with well wishes.

These are the things in life that matter. These are the things that are priceless. Wonderful Family. Great friends that care about us. Great relationships. Great connections. Great conversations. Time spent together. Kind words. Help given. Love shared. Oh how blessed we are! Our hearts are full!

These are the things that are hard move further away from! O Lord I know that you go before us, making a way for us, preparing our path. Thank-you for that!

I suppose I shall be signing off for a bit. The movers come early tomorrow morning. After they are done, I will clean, and we will head down to our new place...spend the night there and greet the movers in the morning! Don't know when we'll have internet so, so long for now!

Ella Updates and Life

Raspberries
Miss Ella started trying to blow raspberries at the end of last week. My mom saw it and so did Jason but then she hasn't done it since. So neat (that she's doing these things) and so hard (that I'm not there to see them) at the same time.

Long Car Ride
She recently had her first really long car ride. There were some moments of crying but overall she just chilled or slept. She did great. And there was only one poop blow out, but it made for an interesting paper towel bath in an Irving rest room :) (And yes, the poo blow out occurred wearing disposables...NOT cloth)

New Cries
The cries we did hear were new cries. They were distinctly different from any we'd heard before. It was no longer a newborn, "I need something" cry. It was an, "I'm ticked and am telling the world" cry. Interesting and quite humorous at points too!

Tummy Time & Rolling Over (attempts)
Ella doesn't really like tummy time. She tires of it in approximately 2 minutes and then gets real fussy and tries to roll over. She gets about half the way, but still can't figure out how to get that pesky arm out of the way!

Grabbing
She did tolerate tummy time a little today and even reached out and grabbed a toy that was in front of her, that was a first on her tummy!

T.V.
I'm afraid this little one takes after her mamma in that she likes to watch T.V. The little bugger hears it and cranes her head right around to try to see it no matter where she is. Consequently, her mamma doesn't watch T.V. anymore! It stays off when she's up!

Page Turner
Ella turns the pages of her board books when we read to her. At first I thought she was just grabbing them, and no she doesn't get them turned quite the whole way, but now I'm pretty convinced she's actually trying to turn them. I even got it on video. It makes sense that she's trying to copy what we've been doing with her since the day we brought her home!

Laughing
Also today, I think I heard her first laugh. She LOVES laying on her back and grabbing at dangling toys. She talks up a storm and smiles and squeals. Today amongst all of her chatter, I'm pretty sure I heard a few laughs. They were so funny! Low "hahahaha's" and a little evil sounding if I do say so myself!

Good Life!
And today is just a wonderful Tuesday. I'm relaxing, baking homemade bread, washing diapers, picking up around the house and just soaking in the moments with my babe. Every sigh, every cry, every smile, every coo, every movement and every snuggle is precious. Life is good.